where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
