we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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