You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
