one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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