i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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