dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
