Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think I just sharted jello shots
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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