I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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