Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
