a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
