There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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