If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
