remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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