So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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