this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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