She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
