My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
