just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
