It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
