Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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