i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
