hotel room ftw
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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