Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
