Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she peed on how many people?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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