What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
