I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
