He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
