Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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