my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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