Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
