Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
