Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish you could order shots online.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
