My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
