The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
