saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
