I am puke
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
