yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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