And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
