Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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