there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it glows. i had to have it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This is my gift to your gina
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
