Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
