i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
