Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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