I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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