# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
