dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
