im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
