she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
