im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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