I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
