What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I supernannyed him into submission
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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