Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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